Tantararan!!!!...my journals...

What are your expectations for the class, the teacher, and the subject?

The moment we’re borne we are already bound to meet certain expectations. Our future is determined by the expectations set to us by people like our parents. But, as we grow, these expectations are also growing for we also set our own expectations for ourselves. These expectations then became our guide; Consequently, we try to exert the best of our capabilities just not to disappoint these expectations, but how ever we try our best, still sometimes we fail and not only we disappoint those people who expect a lot from us but most of all we disappoint ourselves. Everything in this world exists because of peoples’ expectations and because of these expectations we strive to prosper in everything we do, and push ourselves even beyond our limits. Sometimes, people ask us how we see ourselves five or so years from now and then we start sharing to them what we dream of ourselves to become and that alone is already like simply telling ourselves that we expect something from ourselves. Since we expect ourselves to be something or somebody in the near future we try to do everything with such willingness and exert the most of our abilities. However, there are times questions like “what we expect from someone or something?” is just so hard to answer because sometimes the simplest questions are the hardest to answer, for example, “What are your expectations from the class, the teacher, and the subject?” for this question honestly, I don’t know what to answer. When I’m asked with questions like this which is clearly very simple the gears in my head would somehow jam, and would fail in giving me answers. Nonetheless, since I am expected to answer this I’ll just pour my heart out, and write whatever comes out from my stuck up mind. This being said I will do my very best to provide the best answers for this question and will hold no bars and just let my words flow.

I will be starting with my expectations for the class, for my class I expect it to be interactive and cooperative. Moreover, I expect it to be a class full of new, fun, and exciting things. Since this is a class compost of people whom I am close with, I look forward to doing things with a feeling of comfort, and not feeling conscious.  For my teacher I expect her to serve as the driver of the journey that we will be taking in this course, and knowing Ma’am Beverly, I know she would not fail our expectations to have a worthwhile and memorable experience as we move our way in completing the whole semester. I know she is a very competent teacher and maybe even more than qualified to handle this subject, counting from her experiences in teaching and writing. Because of this, I expect her to bring us into exploring our individual artistry when it comes to writing through taking us into opportunities that would bring out the best within ourselves. I had been once one of the students of ma’am Beverly in her lit 115 class last summer of 2014 and even with that short period of time being with her I know ma’am Beverly would be the best teacher to handle this subject because she is the kind of teacher who does not limit her creativity when it comes to teaching which I know she will also do with us. For the subject, I expect it to be fun and eye opening. When I first learned that we will be having a subject in writing I felt a little excited, because writing has been my dream, and when I saw the subject’s descriptive title my excitement grew even more knowing that it is not just an ordinary writing class but a creative writing class. In this course I expect that, it would include writing of stories, poems and all other sorts of literary genres, since these are the types of texts that would really require creativity. This subject is one of the major subjects that students who are taking a course in which English is a major field must comply. Hence, has some level of standards that are set, since it is a subject offered to a class where in the students are specializing in English. Therefore, I expect to have a very introspective experience in writing, because I believe writing is all about reflecting one’s environment to self, also, for a person to be able to awaken the creativity within him he must first start from knowing himself from within and I believe that is what this class in creative writing is all about.

Promise to keep

What is a promise? Why do we make promises? Do we really need to promise? These are the questions or the mental dilemmas that came into my mind when I was thinking of what to promise to myself. So, what is a promise? I tried of searching into the dictionary about what a promise really is and there it says a promise is a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified; a reason to expect something so on and so forth. But despite what the dictionary have provided me, I am not convinced, I made my own definition of the word and what I came up with is that a promise is more than just a declaration or an expectation nor is something we utter to please someone but it is a reminder that us humans are not perfect. Promising is easy to do, but fulfilling it is a challenge. Humans as we are we tend to give promises which sometimes we can’t even keep at the end. However, despite the clear knowledge of this human flaw, still we can’t help but hold on to the promises we made and made by other people. This very reason leads to my second question, why do we make promises? People make promises for different reasons, some make promises to appease themselves, and others sometimes make promises when they are at fault with something or with someone, so that they may be given a second shot. Nonetheless, even of the obvious impossibility of every promise we hear or we ourselves make we can’t dictate our minds and hearts to stop from listening and believing that they are possible. This is because; promises are so sweet that once we hear them we become oblivious of how impossible they are and for my last question, do we really need to promise? For me, yes, making promises is needed because promising has become like a string connected to our lives that them being gone we won’t survive, why?, because it is what keeps us from being alive whenever we are in-between life and death situations, for instance, not being able to turn school requirements on time and our teacher threatens us about us failing if we won’t be able to submit these requirements, so, for us not to fail we make promises and also to subdue our teachers rage. 

 I was born in a family drowned by poverty, a family that is scarce with any material pleasures but is rich with hope and love. My parents may be incapable of providing us with all the things me and my other siblings need but I never complained about it, because I understand them and I love them. I’ve seen how much they have struggled just for us to be in school and for us to have a decent home to live in. I’ve felt how much they’ve agonized when they see any of us—their children, in pain. How I wish of being able to carry at least some of the loads they’ve been carrying for so long, to lessen the burdens that are weighing their shoulders down. I’m the kind of person who does not really make any promises because, for me promises are just words, empty words. But for my parents I would make promises, not to please them nor to play with words, but to create an image of what I am about to do for them and to assure them. As a child of poor but hard working parents, I promise that I will do everything to finish my education and to fulfill the dream they’ve always wanted for me. I promise to never put in vain all their advices that molded me for who I am today and for who I will be tomorrow. I promise to be a strong and resilient person so that, in times of calamities I will be standing by them. I promise to never allow a stiff neck to stop me from looking back to where I come from when time comes that I will already be savoring the fruits of my labors. These promises might be words by now and will take a long time to fulfill but I will keep them ‘till the right time comes.

My body

Our body is the vessel of our soul, and the last place we can live in. It is a treasure more valuable than any jewel in this world, and therefore should receive the most care. Being able to have a body is a privilege given to us by God and if we don’t take good care of it that privilege will be taken away from us. The human body serves a lot of functions that no machine could ever equal. There are specific things that only the human body can suffice. However, despite the multiplicity of things that our body could do for us we still seem to be blind of it. Despite of the beauty our body has we still never get satisfied; we look up to people who have this perfectly toned body and skin. We envy them because of their beauty, but what we don’t realize is that every person’s body is unique and is beautiful in its own way. We kept on putting ourselves down because of our insecurities, we dislike our body because of its imperfections, but what we don’t know is that God made us imperfect so us to see that we are perfect in our own unique way. Fat, skinny, crippled, dwarf so on and so forth, these are the usual things we call imperfections of our body, but in reality they are not imperfections they are a manifestation of our uniqueness.

My body is not like those bodies that have this very perfectly shaped figure, no abs, no buffy muscles, and is not as tall as those models you see in fashion magazines. Though I don’t have any impairment but still compared to the others my body is particularly inferior. I have a pair of skinny arms and legs, and small waistline; in other words I have a lean figure. I know it’s not healthy to compare one’s self to others for according to the Desiderata, “If you compare yourself to others you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” However, I can’t help but get envious to others who are buffer than me. It has always been my dream to at least gain some weight, because since my childhood I am already skinny. When there would be physical activities I easily get beaten up, but my reason for wanting more weight is not to beat other people but just to give myself a little self-confidence. My body is not strong; I can even hardly lift a pale full of water. Nonetheless, despite these incapabilities that my body has still there are some things that made my body unique, I can fit in to small places easily I can wear any clothe without a problem if they fit or not. This is my body, and yes it is imperfect but it is my vessel and my home.

Me five years from now

During my elementary years particularly in grade five I dreamt that when I grow up I will build my own building with hundreds of floors. It was ridiculous, but for a child, it was like a very easy thing to achieve. Then when I reached grade 6, when we were about to graduate our adviser asked us about our dream profession that she will be placing in our student yearbook. Back then I told her that I want to be a computer engineer and I was then pretty serious about that, that I even thought of pursuing it when I get to college. But as they always say change is the only thing in this that is unchangeable, when I got into high school this dream of becoming a computer engineer and my sincerity of pursuing it slowly change and was even replaced by a new one. When I reached fourth year I became interested in teaching, because of a practice teacher who taught in our school. I was really amazed by the way that practice teacher teaches and the way he speaks, he was so articulate. So, from then on I told myself to pursue a teaching course and take English as a major field. Now, I am already in the twilight of my preparation to become a good educator in the future and I am really trying my very best to keep up with the pace of this very competitive world. This journey of mine really  me to see what I am actually capable of doing and along the way I came across all sorts of challenges that also really helped me to become more mature than before.

How do I see myself five years from now, this is the kind of question which me and my friends in high school were also asking each other right before our graduation and this is also the kind of question that sometimes scares me. This is because; I’m so afraid of things which no one person is capable of providing a definite answer that not even a fortune teller with her crystal ball can. But, because I am pursuing a course in teaching and since it is also my dream since high school I would say that I see myself as a teacher five years from now. Five years from now I see myself touching the lives of students of whom I was once like. I see myself five years from now helping not only my students but most importantly my own family. Five years from now I will be walking the path of my dream and savoring the fruit of my labors. I know the road towards achieving that dream is rough and bumpy but I won’t back down even if how many times I stumble and fall I will keep on going. I will achieve my dreams five years from now. I will be in the place I dreamt of reaching. Five years from now I will be like that practice teacher who influences life and touches the heart of students. Five years from now I will be the fulfillment of my parents dream.

My favorite bible verse

I am the kind of person who always fears, that even when opportunities come along my way I always allow my fear overrule me to the extent that I let an opportunity to slip my way. That’s why my favorite bible verses are, 2 Tim. 1:7, “For god has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.” Hebrews 13:5, 6, “I sought the lord and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have.” For he himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” whenever I get to remember this verse in times of fear somehow my weariness fades away and is replaced by assurance that nothing will stand my way so long as God is with me. But to be honest I am really not into reading and memorizing bible verses because I am really not good in memorizing. Though I experienced being exposed to lots of memorizing of bible verses back then when I was in my elementary where every Wednesday a group of people will visit our school and teach us things about the bible and give us these small cards where verses are written in them which we are to memorize for their next visit.  But despite that experience I don’t remember even a single verse which was taught to us that time. It just so happen that when I was given this small and handy bible I stumbled upon these verses that I somehow remembered, most especially when I am at my most nervous moments.

God has brought us in this world not to fear but to live a life full of hope and trust. He brought upon things that are fearsome not for us to fear but for us to see us challenges. It is because of this fear that I saw God and his love towards me. It is because of these challenges that made believe that God is near me and will never leave me nor forsake me. I’ve been once in the blanket of fear but because of Gods unwavering love my fear became trust. Trust that I can do what my heart desires and whatever challenge may came along my way. This love from God became my weapon to fight against the temptations of failures. It is because of his love that I saw what my capabilities are. It is because of his words I am able to stand against pain and confusion. His words became my protection and my light.

My favorite quotation

“You try you fail, you try you fail but the true failure is when you stopped trying.” A quote from a comedy horror movie which title I cannot remember. This is only one of the many quotable quotes I like among the so many quotes I have already encountered. The reason why I so love this quote is that, in our life there are always failures in every story of success. There is no one person who achieves his or her dream without experiencing downfalls, in order for us to achieve whatever we dream of achieving we must undergo some failures along the way for us to feel the real taste of success even if how much it hurts and demoralizes. But even how many failures we get along the way we must never stop trying because as what the that quote says the true failure is the moment we stopped trying, so we must keep going until we reach our dream. That quote also goes along with this quote from someone I don’t remember, “life might give us mountains but we must climb and get over it.” Life is full of tricks and challenges and we must learn not just how to live life but also how to understand and conquer it for us not to be succumbed by its game. Every day we fight to survive life and to make a better future for ourselves and for our love ones. I for example am a person who fought against the ordeals of life I even experienced working in different jobs just to sustain myself and my education, and I survive it.

Aside from those quotations, I have another favorite quote from the novel and the movie “Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott and this is a quote said by the main character named Ender and it goes this way, “The moment I learned how to defeat my enemy that’s also the time I learned to love them.” This is a quotation said by the main character named Ender Wiggin at the beginning of the novel and of the movie. The movie is actually about a child who was brought to an outer space military training school that trains very young children like Ender who was then six years old to be relentless soldiers that would fight against the alien enemy they called Buggers. In that facility all that was taught to them is how cruel and heartless the buggers are, but Ender, being the most intelligent child ever trained in that military school, he came to see the weakness of his enemy and so he caused the total genocide of the whole species. But when he came to realize that what he thought was just a game simulation was actually the actual battle between their fleet and the enemy’s he regretted it. That’s why when he found the last egg that bears the queen he embarked on a journey in search for a new planet to give another chance for his enemy whom he then considered his new friend.  This just simply tells us that loving is not confined to the people we are close with but also it can extend even to our enemies. This is because, even the worst person we ever known is also the weakest person we would ever know. By this, we will be able to learn how to love them and take care of them. That is the reason why I also like this quotation; moreover, this quotation reminds me of the human incapacity to see the flaws of others. Also, we tend to love someone even deeper when we get to know how fragile they can actually be.

My favorite song

I love listening to songs especially those songs that are so soothing and calming because they help me keep myself in the mood particularly while I’m studying or writing something. Songs help keep my mind on track; they stimulate my brain and make me feel at ease. Songs have this kind of effect to my senses and emotions; they don’t just enter my ears they penetrate deeper inside my heart and mind. Though music isn’t my best friend but I just have this particular love for it which I think all of us do. The kind of songs that I usually listen to are those pop songs like those that are sung by different bands particularly boy bands like “The Vamps,” “One Direction,” “Five Seconds of Summer,” Before You Exit,” and other boy bands. However, despite the clear fascination I have towards these pop songs and boy bands, I also love to listen to acoustic songs because they are just so soothing and calming in a way, one example is the song by Williamette Stone “Today” in the movie if I stay. It is a song which is accompanied aside by guitars, a cello and other instruments that really add to the uniqueness and calming effect of the song. This song is actually played when the girl main character was having a flashback of the day she had actually played her musical instrument around other people most especially around her boyfriend who was the one singing. The song is actually telling about a very memorable day that ever happened to anyone, that even made them feel like not sleeping and just cherish every moment of that day well technically night because it happened at night around a bonfire. Moreover, I loved the song because of its melody and the message it conveyed.

 Another song that I also love is the song “Risk it all” by “The Vamps” because it’s not like the other songs I’ve listened to it has a unique melody and a very nice meaning as well. The song is about someone who loves somebody and who would do anything just to prove his love and it interests me a lot because I love watching movies and reading books that also revolves in the same theme, sacrifice. Well aside from the theme and melody of the song another factor why I love the song is also because of the one who sung it, Bradley I love you!!!!! He is just so adorable when he sings; because he just doesn’t sing the song he feels it and return affect the listeners. Another song that I also like is the song of the NCYS “This I promise you” I know it’s quite old but this song just seemed to be timeless because it is still played in occasions like JS proms, in fact it was our theme song in our prom in high school. I like the song among the rest of new and more famous songs today because it tells a story which people of all ages can relate. Aside from love songs I also love listening to Christian songs one is “At the Cross” by Hillsong. I love that song because it helps me in calming my nerves and setting my mind in the right direction. I usually listen to songs like this especially when I’m on the verge of breaking down, and in times of confusion. I actually have a lot of favorite songs that I want to include here but it seems that my head is not functioning so well, well what do I expect it happens all the time.

Favorite food

Food is a basic commodity that men need in order to survive. It is the lifeline of every person that without it humanity and other living species will stop existing and will vanish into thin air. We humans need food for us to stay alive and happy. No one in this very world can survive without the aid of food. Food gives us energy, it is what that sustain our delicate life. Every life form in earth whatever they are, planktons, bacteria or plants each has to eat food. Planktons and bacteria for example they super tiny organism but even hoe tiny they are they also feed themselves in order to survive. However, unlike the other species like humans who feed a variety of foods these organisms only feed on one particular thing. Moreover, even with the differences in food preference still food role in sustaining life is undeniable. For humans food is more than just to sustain life it is also making life more wonderful and livable.

I’m the kind of person who is really not picky on the kind of food to eat for us long as they taste good to me and its fine. But there are some which I like compared from the others and some of these are fried chicken, sweet and sour meat/chicken/fish, and anything with coco milk. But among these my most favorite is of course the fried chicken, since I was a kid fried chicken has been my favorite food second to it is spaghetti, yes they are more like for kids than for adults, but so what I love them. They are the food which I can call my comfort food; they make me feel relieved like I am like a seven year old child again when I eat them. They make me feel happy, and childish. These foods bring back good and fun memories to me when I eat them. I really love to eat fried chicken especially when it’s from Jollibee because my parents rarely bring us to that place. That’s why when someone will bring us Jollibee fried chicken my stomach would somewhat jump out of excitement and craving. Spaghetti, another favorite food of mine because every time my birthday comes spaghetti is always present it has always been like the star of the dining table. These are my favorite foods and will always be.

My favorite person

Who is my favorite person? Why do I like this person? These are the questions I asked myself when I was thinking of about my favorite person. So who is my favorite person well aside from my mother, I also like Riley McDonough of Before You Exit an American Pop rock band. Why do I like this person? Simply because, he is so adorable and charming, and not to mention he is a good singer too. I admit I don’t know him personally I just follow him and his band in YouTube and Facebook. Nonetheless, I did not stop me from making him as my favorite person even though I have a crush to someone else, well a crush is different from a favorite person, I guess. But Riley is my favorite person whatever you’ll say. I actually started liking Riley, okay and his band when I saw them being featured in Rated K of Korina Sanchez. However, I was then not yet really familiar with their group until I saw their music video on You Tube, and from then on my fascination for Riley grew even more. I started downloading their songs and watched their music videos over and over again for God knows how many times. I even followed their fan page and downloaded some of their photos and even make Riley’s photo as my lockscreen wallpaper and was only replaced when my phone got reformat.

Now I no longer have photos or songs of Riley in my phone, but even if that’s the case he is still my favorite person. It was because of him I was inspired to write a story and post it on Wattpad. Because of him and his band I became a fan of pop rock music. He may be kilometers away from me, his avid fan still I will be his ever loyal fan and if given the chance to watch one of his concerts here in the Philippines someday, I would really grab it. Riley and his band actually started in a singing competition they’ve joined in the United States and if I’m not mistaken that was X-Factor USA. There they sang the songs of One Direction a famous British boy band in England. From then on their career slowly rises and they became famous not only in the US but also to the other parts of the globe especially here in the Philippines. In fact, just last 2013 they had their world tour and one of the countries they’ve visited is the Philippines. They had guested in the different shows in ABS-CBN like Umagang Kay Ganda and ASAP. Now they are preparing for their newest album and for their next world tour, how I wish they come here in Dumaguete, mayor, sir please invite them, just kidding.

My strength

I guess my strength is my family because it is because of them I am still fighting to survive college even if I am sometimes having difficulties already. It is because of them I don’t quit from whatever I’m doing and it is because of them I am still sane. They might be unsupportive at times but they still serve as my motivation to keep going even if how many times I fall. Moreover, my being gay is also my strength; because of me being like this I have a personality unique from the others. This personality helped me to become resilient and flexible in times of calamities. Furthermore, because of me being gay I am where I am right now, that not even those whom they call themselves as straight are in. Also my ability to accept my being me is also the other strength I have, because when I started accepting myself even if others do not I felt more free and more open minded. When I was still hiding behind the shadow, I was then like an encaged bird whose wings are clipped and are unable to spread. But now that I am free I can wander around freely without minding what the others will say, who cares. Another strength that I have is my ability to accept criticisms and change for the better.

When I was in elementary I experienced being bullied and it made me feel really very inferior and unconfident with myself. But that experience of mine later on became my strength that whenever I get to remember it my heart no longer grow heavy because of sadness and my eyes would no longer well with unshed tears. Instead I held my head up high and look at things with pride and optimism. Because of that experience I learned something about life that it is like a big arena full of challenges and I am just one of the many soldiers who kept on battling with life’s tests. My love for God, is my other strength, the faith I have with him is one of the reasons why I kept on fighting. His words are my guide in the journey called life. Because of Gods providence I am able to keep a straight face in front of failures. He is my spine that holds my back when I feel like falling and giving up. He is my north star that guides my way in the night. My other strength is my sincerity and dedication, because of this attitude of mine I can easily cope with my problems. Because of these two I don’t easily give up, and I can get along with people well enough

My weaknesses         

Humans have strengths but along with it are weaknesses that sometimes we are not even aware of. Sometimes these weaknesses only go out in times and in situations we don’t expect. However, there are some which we happen to discover by ourselves without other people pointing them out for us. But most of the time we are blind of our own weaknesses that we even need other’s eyes for us to see them. However, even if we are aware of these weaknesses we prefer of pretending that we are not weak and refuse acknowledge them. What we don’t know is that, a person who does not acknowledge his/her weaknesses is just a plane fool and coward than a person who acknowledges his/her weaknesses. For me knowing or accepting one’s weakness or weaknesses is an act of bravery and strength. Once we acknowledge our weakness or weaknesses we then become stronger more free, for we are already aware of possible things that we can do in order for us to turn a certain weakness into strength. We should not be afraid of acknowledging our weaknesses because they are the reasons why we have strengths. Strengths exist because of weaknesses and vice versa.

I am just an ordinary person who like the others has my own strengths and weaknesses. But like any other person I am also blind of these weaknesses, and I guess my blindness towards my weakness or weaknesses is also my weakness. But as my experience accumulates I in a way was able to discover what my weaknesses are. In terms of the weaknesses I have in my body, I am very ticklish on the sole of my feet. Also in the part below my chin when touched I get very bothered, its tickles in a way that it also tingles. When it comes to my family, I easily get affected when I hear unpleasant things about my family. In my studies I am admittedly lousy and lazy; I hardly can keep up with the pace. I even cram with my assignments because I am not good in prioritization. I am also very fearful, I easily get swayed with my decision and I am poor in decision making. I am also still very dependent from my parents; I can hardly last long on the things I do. I have a poor focus. However, despite these weaknesses I have I will keep on going no matter what.

My triumph    

       For now there is really nothing yet that I can call my true triumph, because every day is a day of challenges and each of these days we strive for triumph. But if I am to look back form past I could say that my triumph is when I graduated elementary with an award which was actually a miracle after what seems six years of struggles. It was then a much unexpected thing that ever happened to me, because when i was still in elementary being on the list of honor students never came into my mind. That very moment when I and my mother went up on the stage and receive my award was I guess the triumph that made me open my eyes of how wonderful the feeling is, having your parent go up on the stage with you and you know that she is proud and happy for you. So when I reached high school I really tried to at least be part of the top students of the class, and when I graduated with an award the feeling was like when I first came up on stage in my elementary with my proud mother by my side. But the most memorable triumph that really marked me is when I was accepted in the scholarship grant that I applied for. Because of this, I was able to enter college and started cultivating my future. Another experience that I consider as my triumph is when I got accepted as a part time call center agent for a seasonal account in SPI Global. I should it was my biggest triumph so far, because I was able to conquer my fear and tried my skills.

       Right now I am still seeking for my next triumph, a triumph that I will cherish for the rest of my life. For me a triumph doesn’t need to be big, you can be triumphant with the little achievements you can do each day. This journal writing for example, is an example of the process in achieving triumph. Life itself is a triumph, the fact that each day you are able to wake up and do your duties is a triumph. In everything that we do we should see each of it a triumph. We should do things because we want to triumph and not just do them because we have. Once you’ve done this even how simple you have achieved you will still feel triumphant.

My dreams

       As a child I had lots dreams, I even to become as a tricycle driver for I thought it is a good profession because I had classmates that time who have a father who is tricycle driver, and I noticed that they always have big allowances or “balon.” I also dreamt of becoming a pilot, because I was then so fascinated by the airplanes that fly in the sky. I even told myself that someday I will pilot one of those. But as I gain age my maturity and my way of seeing the world changed. I started of dreaming to be in college studying the course of my choice. Dreamt of being in an air conditioned office where I receive high pays. I also dreamt of travelling the world when I get I stable job. But when I was near to graduate high these dreams became like burdens weighing down on my shoulder. Because of these dreams I became scared of the future that I might not achieve the dream I dreamt of achieving. I was afraid that I might just get frustrated if I won’t be able to reach my star.

       Now that I am in the stage of maturity my dreams turned into plans. They are no longer just perceptions of the future they are already preparations I set for my future. If before I dream of things just because I like them, now I dream for the future because I have plans for myself and for my family. I no longer just dream for myself but I dream for the people important for me. My dreams are the things that I am preparing by now. They are not anymore just ambitions but more than that.

My family

       The family is said to be the basic unit of the society, the first place that molds every individual for who he or she is now. The family is the very first place where we learn the basics of life. It is the only institution that we come from and we can go home to. Every family is unique, and has different values shared among family members. In a family there are fights and misunderstandings, but they are just normal things. Even rich families have fights. The only difference is that they don’t fight because of money they fight because of other matters. Each individual before he or she is emerged in the society he or she is first prepared inside the family that brought him or her up.

       I belong in a family that is not that blessed in terms of financial stability. In our family it is my mother who stands as our bread winner, because my father does not any stable job. Nonetheless, my family is for me the best family that I could ever have despite the incapacities that my parents have. My family I should say is not perfect, parents argue about trivial things. Our family is not the religious kind of family, we rarely can go to church and if we not all of us can. In our family we value sharing, whatever one has he or she must know how to share it even how small it is. In fact my parents will scold us if we fight towards something. My parents never lack in reminding us of what is good from bad. Because of constant reminders by my parents I became the person I am now, a person who knows how to respect other people and to humble down even if how far we’ve gone. In my family we value each other’s opinion and listen to each other’s predicaments.

When I am famous

Many people want to be known and that includes me and it would already mean so much to us to be famous even for a short while. The good thing is technology is advancing so fast making information spread all over the world in just a click of a finger. Anyone can already be popular by posting videos or pictures on social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube and to other sites where people all around the world can access. What if I get famous, what would I be famous for?  Probably I will be famous because of my talent in writing. Why not? I always wanted to be a good writer and to be known with it. But somehow, writing is very elusive from me. It’s like chasing an untamed cat. But destiny is not out of tricks yet, I sent a story to an online publishing website that accepts literary pieces and fortunately my work was accepted, and from then on my life had turned a complete three hundred sixty degrees.

Dear diary, before, to be famous was just like a dream for me. It was as if very impossible to happen until that email sent through my account. I can’t even fathom the thought of me being known yet, it feels like I am floating on the clouds of fantasy. My life before was very customary I wake up, fix myself, eat my breakfast, go to school, go back home, write (if there’s time), then sleep and do the same thing in the morning again. Now, i already have over a million followers on my Facebook page. I am even receiving constant messages all containing pleasing comments coming from people who appreciate all my works. All of these things happened after that interview that I had in a literary forum in America. I am even invited to deliver a talk about literature in the University of the Philippines. I am also receiving awards for my works both international and local. And you know what? Many people are even requesting me to keep on writing beautiful stories, and that’s just what I’m going to do.

How did?

When I was still so young I kept asking my parents stuffs about how things came to be. Like why is the sky blue, why dogs howl during the night, why water drop from the sky, where thunder come from, why does the moon follow me wherever I go, why do cows have horns, etc. etc. and you know how they answer me? They answer me through stories, stories that they made up. That’s why, when I think of the ocean, I always remember the story that tells about how it became salty. The story goes this way, long before the sea was bland and boats and bridges are not invented yet. In the story people where transporting sacks and sacks of salt. But the problem is they can’t transport salt to the other island because there are neither bridges nor boats for them to use. But by some chance a giant who happened to be near the site offered them help.

The giant sat down and extended his leg connecting their island to the neighboring one. The people walked over the leg of the giant towards the next island. The giant’s leg served as the people’s bridge, allowing them to transport salt to the other side. But suddenly, ants bit the giant’s leg, the giant tried enduring the pain from the bites of the tiny ants, but the ants overwhelmed the giant making him unable to hold the pain any longer. Because of the unbearable pain, the giant stood up without warning making the people who are transporting salts to fall on the ocean together with the sacks of salt they are carrying. Thus, the ocean became very salty. So that’s the story of the salty taste of the ocean.

The music that brings back the child in me

When I was little I love to sing and listen to the song “Balay Ko Sa Langit” it was the song we used to sing in the Flores de Mayo and it is also the song my mother used to sing to me  before I go to sleep. The song goes this way; balay ko sa langit nagasidlak-sidlak, balay ko sa langit nagasidlak-sidlak, balay ko sa langit nagasidlak-sidlak, luyo sa panganud, ginoo ginoo hinumdumi ako, ginoo ginoo hinumdumi ako, ginoo ginoo hinumdumi ako, sa imong pagbalik. It is sang in a soothing tone and whenever I hear or sing the song myself I would really feel like being transported to the kingdom of  heaven like my soul is being carried by an angel. I feel so calm and peaceful. This song may be very simple but it creates and brings a very unique effect to me.

This song brings back the fun I had when I joined the Flores de Mayo in our barangay. The games we had and the friendship we built. Also, whenever I get to remember this song I also remember the life I had when I was still so young. A life when I don’t worry for anything, when all I do was just play and play and have fun. Whenever I get to hear this song I feel like being transported to the past when my mother was laying me down on the bed and singing me this song, oh…it was just so peaceful. When she sings me this song while patting my butt and sending a lull into my eyes. I remember her sing the song with her very soothing voice, so soft and so calming, like I am being swayed back and forth, back and forth on a swing.

I wish

If given a chance to wish to a Genie or to a wishing star, I will wish that I may become rich. That is my wish because I saw how much a person could help when he or she is rich. also if I am rich I can do things that I’ve been wanting to do ever since, like going to places I’ve never been before, buying the things I never had. I know it’s kind of materialistic but let’s face it, it is what most of us want. How I wish genies are true so my wishes may come true. But what if they really are true and grant my wish to be rich? How would my life change? Would there be any consequences?

If Genies are really true and grant my wish to be rich for sure my life would totally change. I would be able to help the people who are in need more than before when I don’t have much riches yet. I can already bring my parents, sisters or anyone I love to places I always wanted to go. I can build the house I’ve been dreaming of having. But life is very full of tricks, I found a golden lamp and when I wiped it with a cloth to clean it, smoke came out from its spout and a bluish and chubby figure emerged from the lamp. It was a genie, the genie said to me, wish and I shall grant. So, I said I want to be rich, and then he said your wish is my command then he vanished and I realized I am in a big mansion with sacks full of money surrounding me. From that moment on I was able to have and do all the things I ever wanted. But, I know if there are good effects of being rich there are also consequences. I became very proud, I forgot the people who were with me when I was still nothing. I spent mindlessly all my money until I was with nothing. Because of that I realized that life is not all about being rich, and helping doesn’t always mean that you have lots of money. You can always help even with the few things you have and you don’t need to be rich just to be happy because happiness can never be bought by money.

A window of my hopes

I used to live a free life. A life where nothing limits me from doing the things I desire. I used to live a life where no walls to confine me from spreading my arms and embracing reality. I live a kind of life that allows me to see all the faces of reality. But what if all of that change, what if all my freedom will be sapped away. What if I will be locked in a room where darkness dominates, would I still be able to see hope? Would I still be able to see life as a fair game? Would be there something else left for me to hold on? If there is, what might it be?

Because of exhaustion I immediately drifted off into the world of fantasy. I opened my eyes and saw flying creatures which I never saw in my entire life yet. They were beautiful, their wings shimmer with golden feathers and they fly in the air with such grace and gentleness. I looked up into the sky and saw different forms clouds, some look like a teddy bear, some are fish, some are dogs, and all other sorts of cute forms. I wandered my eyes farther into the vast expanse, I saw thick forests from a distant mountain, and I saw green prairies and bluish river that seems to flow endlessly and snaked to the side of the mountain. My eyes snapped open again, and wondered why I see nothing, aside from darkness.  I tried clearing my eyes but nothing happen, and then a voice spoke up, which sent jolts from the tip of my toes up to my head. The voice said, “you will be locked in this room for the next six months, and to your right is a window which will serve as your only source of light and contact to a world you ever wished,” then the voice vanished with a loud crack. I walked towards the only window with my hands forward to avoid bumping into anything that might be along the way. When I reached the window I looked out and immediately evaded my eyes because of too much brightness until my eyes were able to adjust. I was so surprised when I saw the same scene from my dreams which made me confused whether I am still in a dream or not. But one thing is for sure, whenever I look out that window I feel at peace and calm despite the fact that I am trapped and alone. I just feel happy seeing the flying creatures fly in the air and the cute forms created by the clouds, and the hope that I will soon be able to get out from this dark prison. I once again opened my eyes but this time it felt really heavy like it’s been shut for months. Unlike from my previous awakenings this time my room is filled with light, and you know what’s strange, I hear a beeping sound. Then a hand touched my shoulder and said, “You’re awake! You’ve been in coma for about six months already.”

July 15

A bizarre gift

People are just really very playful, yesterday my neighbor Elizabeth received the most bizarre gift she could ever receive in her entire life. Early in the morning someone knocked on her door but when she opened it she saw no one, the person is gone, but the person however left a box in front of her door step it was wrapped in a cute gift wrapper and tied with a nice red ribbon. Elizabeth picked the thing up and found a note attached to it that says, “Dear Eli, this gift is for you it is from my sweat and hard work, hope you like it.” When she looked to see who the sender was there is none. Eli felt suspicious of what the box might contain but she opened it anyway. When she opened the box she saw a small glass vial that contains a whitish substance, at first she thought maybe it was just an ointment for skin allergies because she always have skin allergies and maybe whoever the sender was, he knows about her skin condition. She opened the vial and smelled the substance and then I just heard her scream like she saw something really horrible.

“Hahaha….for sure that girl liked the gift I sent her”. “It’s for sure, who wouldn’t want a gift which you first handedly made, a gift like that is special.” “Wait, if I may ask what did you send exactly?” “My very own semen!” “What, are you out your mind?!” “That’s very crazy of you!” “I know right…I’m pretty sure she’s craving of seeing me right now.”  “I don’t think so…”

July 21

A photo that reveals the unrevealed

I have been working as a family photographer in a large department store for quite a long time already. My job is to take photographs of different families that visit the store each day. Through this kind of job I was able to see things which only my camera and I can. I saw that in each family there is a hidden thing that only the eyes of an outsider can see.

One time a family paid a visit in our department store and asked me to take them a family picture for a holiday card. When I took their family picture they seemed very close and happy. But when I got the photograph printed I saw distance between the parents and their children. I saw that even if the two kids are in between their parents, I can see that they are uncomfortable like they are just being forced to do whatever they are doing. Also I saw that even if the woman or the mother of the children is smiling I could see that her smile is forced, which made me think that this family has a problem. Maybe this problem involves the relationship of the parents because I saw in the picture that the husband is trying to reach for his wife’s hand that was balled into a fist on the waste of her daughter.

Looking inside the window pane

Every home has different stories, a story that only the walls of the house could tell the best. But through the window pane glimpses of these stories can be seen. In a town in Chicago a very simple house is built along the streets of a small village. The house is just really small, it has three bedrooms, one bathroom, a small front and back lawns, and a drive way enough for only one car to park. In that house lives a simple family named Family Stonebridge. This family has four members, Mr. Albert Stonebridge, Mrs. Kate Stonebridge, and Diane and Mike Stonebridge. This family belongs to the class C citizens of USA, their family income is just enough for their daily needs and to send the children to high school. Mr. Stonebridge is working as a waiter in a lowly restaurant in the city. Mrs. Stonebridge is working as a sales clerk in a department store. Because of the low wages that Mr. and Mrs. Stonebridge are receiving they can only afford to rent a small apartment. They used to live in a much bigger house but when Mr. Stonebridge lost his job as a factory manager their life started to change.

Diane and mike used to study in a private high school but because of their family’s financial crisis they are forced to transfer to a public high school in their town. Diane is the eldest between the two and she is about to graduate her senior high by next month. Mike, on the other hand is only a year younger than her sister Diane, and he is soon to step in to 12^th year by next year. These siblings underwent a lot of sacrifices just to help their parents. They let go of their lucrative habits and worked as part timers in different fast-foods. They were able to do that because they don’t like to just be sitting and doing nothing while their parents are working night and day just for their family.